


Viscount Pankratz and Wife

by Llama1412



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llama1412/pseuds/Llama1412
Summary: When Jaskier receives an invitation to a fancy party addressed to him and hiswife, he decided he deserved a night of fun causing problems for people. Who better to help than Yennefer of Vengerberg?
Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 11
Kudos: 57





	Viscount Pankratz and Wife

After the mountain, Jaskier had returned to Oxenfurt. He had a regular address there – well, the university did, and they were willing to keep mail for their alumni with no permanent address as long as he did a handful of guest lectures when he was in town. It was a win-win, honestly, but he certainly hadn’t been expecting the invitation on thick, expensive paper that lay in front of him now.

_ The Duke of Cizmar invites the Viscount and Wife de Lettenhove to the solstice ball at Petrelsteyn Castle _

Well. He’d known that folks in Kerack, his birth kingdom, knew that he had an address in Oxenfurt. He still got Yuletide cards from his parents, actually. They didn’t speak to each other, but apparently it was  _ proper  _ to send cards, even if they spent the rest of the year pretending he didn’t exist.

He usually pretended they didn’t exist either. He would also usually toss an invitation like this away. He had long since decided that life as a Viscount wasn’t for him. Still, there had been an itching under his skin for the past month to get on the road and  _ do _ something.

Maybe a night on the town (or in a castle) was exactly what he needed.

Except, “why do they think I have a wife, anyway?” Jaskier mumbled, shaking his head and flopping onto the bed in the room he was staying in. He felt suddenly depressed – but then, his mood had been like that since the mountain. Jaskier would feel cheery and excitable when there was something to distract him, but take it away, and he just felt blank. He hated it.

Usually, he would invite Geralt to something like this. Geralt hated polite society, of course, but he could usually be talked into a bit of mischief.

Jaskier rolled over and buried his face in a pillow. He didn’t want to think about Geralt, didn’t want to remember his last words. If only Jaskier had never said anything, never tried to lighten the mood after Yennefer broke Geralt’s heart.

He sat up suddenly. “Well, there’s an idea,” he said to his lute, because he was used to having silent company to listen to him and had perhaps gotten in the habit of narrating his thoughts just to annoy Geralt. “Yennefer.”

Jaskier and Yennefer had a unique relationship. They both circled around Geralt, which meant they circled around each other. They weren’t friends, certainly, but you couldn’t exactly be just acquaintances when you were both screwing the same man.

They’d spent minimal time together without Geralt, until the Witcher had gotten a contract that required attendance at a court function. Geralt had gone, but he’d hidden in the corner all night. Yennefer and Jaskier on the other hand? Honestly, he’d had a blast and he was pretty sure she did too, because the next time some event like that came up, she proposed that Geralt just stay home rather than mope all night, and she and Jaskier could take care of the gladhanding.

It wasn’t the craziest idea to want to invite her, was it? Sure, she’d never pretended to be his wife before, but really, it was just another court function. And he was only going to cause problems out of spite. That was exactly her jam, wasn’t it?

That’s exactly what Jaskier explained to her when he tracked Yennefer down in Vizima. For some reason, she didn’t seem to find that convincing?

“We’ve gone to court affairs together before,” he pointed out.

“And yet, now you’re proposing I be your  _ wife?”  _ Yennefer sneered.

The disgust on her face was a little offensive. “I’d be a great husband!” Jaskier protested. “Anyway, it’s only pretend for one night, and our whole job is to fuck shit up. Surely you can get on board with that.”

Yennefer tapped her lip with her finger, her bloody red nail clicking against her teeth. “Fuck it, I need a night of chaos. I’m in,” she stuck her hand out to shake, then looked him over. 

He was impeccably dressed in a baby blue doublet and tight pants, and was looking like quite a snack, if he did say so himself. But Yennefer had always felt the need to be contrary.

“I’ll decide on our wardrobe,” she said. 

“Only if I get veto rights over my own,” he negotiated. You never gave in to Yennefer of Vengerberg on the first offer, Jaskier had learned that long ago. She didn’t believe in playing fair, and she  _ absolutely  _ believed in winning. Her first offer was always the most advantageous to her, but with a little back and forth, Jaskier could usually score a few small wins.

If she wasn’t so scary, he’d probably win more. But this was the most powerful mage on the continent, who was  _ also _ quite skilled with a knife, and Jaskier knew that firsthand. Fortunately, he was also pretty good at reading when the twitch of her eyebrow moved past annoyance and into ‘must be dealth with’ territory. The latter was to be avoided, unless he had a Witcher to hide behind and calm her down.

Not that Geralt was a particularly calming thought for either of them at the moment. So it was best for Jaskier to tread lightly if he wanted his night of fun. After all, he wanted Yennefer to cause chaos for the party, not for  _ him.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I'll continue this, but I hate letting drafts sit around.


End file.
